STANK ON MY HANG LOW

Christmas Story Wonders and musings....

2009-12-25T01:16:00.002-06:00

Sorry as I pick it up already in progess.....

Who dressed Randy when he went HOME from school?

Who was johnny rich kid that had wax teeth for the whole class?

Was Grover Dill really a 36 year old dwarf?

Feelin the choice

2009-05-16T16:29:00.002-05:00

So

There was a squirrel outside today....and it may sounds silly, but she/he was mocking my dog

Waggin that fluffy tail in her face, dippin, divin, on her turf, and just out of reach for my beast to give it a lesson.

SO

I'm goin nuts flyin all over the place lookin for something to whip at this trixster.

I'm a lover of all creatures big and small, but this is FAMILY!

The squirrel is on the tree trunk over the side of the fence so I am at a loss of what to do since if I hit or miss this object is gonna be over the line....literally

THe wife hears me fumbling and asks what the hell is going on.....

NO wood block, NO utensils...NO shoe...NO tools...NO soda can!!!!

finally I respond in a very Tracy Jordanesque tone....THIS SQUIRREL OUTSIDE IS MOCKING HER!

as it left the lips I knew how it sounded, but hey.....I don't act to be any different that I am...and SHE is locked in now :)

I hear back

ICE CUBES!

HOLY SHIT!

THIS is why she is the genius.

She hit the freezer and met me by the back porch for my winging escapade.

That is love my friends

Geeks vs Romantics

2009-05-05T23:37:00.002-05:00

Honestly there are few classifications that classify such a WIDE range of people of all races covering a mass level of demographics....

I've contimplated something for a bit that just smacked me in the face

I'm watching this HORRID movie called "wasted" on like HBO29....you know the formula...one of those movies featuring a bunch of younger "those guys" actors....famous from being in the movie of just slight more well known "those guys".....

The infamous over the head boombox cusak / gabriel scene was tossed into common conversation...without a hesitiation

This scene has been referenced...commented...duplicated...in more ways than I can recall...

Once again...the other night I saw what was close to 64 seconds of a show called "greek".....I'm not gonna go with the "male dignity" saving comments of .......................it was late and I was curious

nevertheless! the boombox scene was REFERENCED!

I started to search for a counterpart.....

This scene was as famous as ricky after his vida loca hit number 1

I came with.......STAR WARS GOLD BIKINI SCENE!

Romantics....they can be old....tween...male...feamle....asian....sons...uncles.....as often black as white.....what other classification could cross and sustain such a mutual appreciation

*INSERT ORGE PIC HERE*

NERDS!

Hell Gilbert showed it best....there is a nerd in all of us

From Friends...to Veronice Mars...to references to cinnimonimonimun (I mock what I can't recall to spell) haricut style buns....the scene rules comicon to pron fantasy conversations

This movie SMOKED multi generational box offices dvd sales and rentals.....it's tough to find people that haven't seen the trilogy

THOUGH the battle of the sexes is lost here.....ie.....though women are aware and might participate in such an act ..... it is RARELY THEIR fantasy

This is where the Box office numbers of Return of the Jedi vs Say Anything come in as the variable

SO

What say you?

THE CURE II???

2009-03-24T23:31:00.003-05:00

ok....so im sitting here watching an mtv special about the revision of pearl jam ten...which they have taken an amazing amount of time blown up the rockband downloadable pack!!! (but that is for another time)

what i am realizing is that i have never before tonight TOTALLY gripped why i never took to the jam...i just never really liked them

i COMEPLETELY understand the legitimacy of the baseless hatred...i have a many

so i chalked it up to that

i am listening to eddie vedder talk about the "meaning" of jeremy...he cleverly sidesteps and says...and i paraphrase...i dont want to tell everyone what jeremy is about...cause that would rob all the people of what it means to them

amazing

brill

no one can deny that jeremy is a song that is magnanimous ... and now i am crediting it ALL to vedder...i see this video with his for the time of 14-25 demo nails version of style...hit the peak during the peak

***hold on beastie boys just came on live and they are playing root down***

Now theres a band that diversified and adapted and experimented and still kept personality

but.....circling the wagons

VEDDER!

amazing frontman for an average band...i was watching this special and some of the "jam" used to be in mother lovebone...yet in so many words decided to ditch this band and hitch a ride on eddie

i see his twitching capturing the "grunge" mindframe of the money market with his no look "im damaged" stares and his is totally nailing it

for the timeframe

i knew i never liked "the music"....of pearl jam but still had the memories being an impressionable aged 90s yoot...and never took the time to delve into it

im not going to COMPLETELY insult the band and give it a justin timberlake nsync label as the equivalent of styles....cause though they exploited a trend....they still actually tried to comtinue to make relevant music and not selling out

but i am going to link them to the cure....a band you know and dig some of their songs in the future...but unless you were caught up in attitude that was so preciscely targeted toward you will not really remember them as one of the greats...just another band on the juke that you comment about due to their short lived domination of a trend

HAND BURN!

2009-01-26T12:17:00.002-06:00

Not to be confused with Handbone

I still can't decide if I am pissed or in awe of the stretched out ghoul doing that on the floor of my Illini

but I digress

HAND BURN.....this is the ever growing and changing festering THING on my hand.

It looks like lasagna that was left out on the counter over the course of a weekend....
It looks like not so special effect "pizza the hut" from spaceballs fame...
It looks like I fingerbanged Madonna circa '93
It looks like I am escaping hand prison with a scuplted lectoresque handmask made from other people's hand skin....

I think you are getting it......

Of course this happened while cooking pregame after a couple cocktails...so that the time it was "aight"

Then 2 days later is was bubbly.....so I slapped some leftover aloe sunburn lotion from the honeymoon

After a drinky weekend night and reaching in my pocket for phone and smokes repeatedly it is the raw maid rite sammich I see before me....

In my cavemanlike existance I have been in the 2 day routine of dousing it with peroxide and slathering it with neosporin from time to time....

I prolly should have seen a doc

*makes note*

That whole "chicks dig scars" statement was not just a t-shirt scam in the 80s......was it?

A blip on a map

2008-09-22T14:32:00.002-05:00

As you are well aware I live in the wonderful hamlet of Champaign Illinois

It is a blip on a map for many of you..........but one very important blip for the thousands of people that choose to be my neighbors

Damn skippy we are the ONLY spot east of Old Man river (aka the mighty Miss) to be graced with a Weinerschnitzel.

I have sported a Weinderdude attitude since I was a glimmer in my father's eye.

This is a tribute and long overdue to this gorgeous place o nosh.

Sure we can get into the fact that you can stuff yourself chilisenseless for 3 bucks....that's right....chili cheeseburger....chilidog....chili cheese fries....3 fuckin dollars

I can find that much cash rooting through my laundry....it saved my ass in high school when I used my lunch money on MD 20/20 Banana Red and dime bags of schwag....there was always enough for a chilifusion to get me by.

Then they got all innovative on me....now I am a sucker for all types of novelty fast food items....but let's face it....most are a whole lot of bad....that's why they arent on the menu all the time

sure there are the occasional mcdonalds melts, or buffalo dippers from arby's but a lot of it is spun on the hype machine faster than annabell chong.

The thing is ..... the schnitz doesn't even advertise!!! At least not in this market.

So everytime I got by I am treated to another masterpiece concocted by who I can only assume is my long lost twin

First I was treated to a little item known as pupsters...mini sandwiches of sliced hot dogs with pickle chips, onion straws, ranch dressing and chipotle-pepper sauce layered between dinner-sized sweet rolls.....good god!!! you hit my flavor clit and kept strokin

good work!!!

I'm a messy guy....I have no fears in being such....I get pissed having to eat my chili cheese fries with a fork....just looks silly and defeats the purposes passed down to me by the flavor gods....get in there and get nasty....yet the good folks of the schnitz cancelled all heistation in ordering this foodstuff layed before us by odin hisself AND kept our manhood

FUCKIN CHILI CHEESE FRIES BURRITO!!!!

it's so genius it should have hit me years ago.....if all marriages were this successful!

I could go on and on and ON about being so lucky to be a blip on a radar but I must conclude this passage before my belly wakes up the neighbors

I'm jonesin....

Did I tell you they added NACHO CHEESE to the chili dags!!!.....I might even pretzel bun it on one of them....just for the likely odd I will spontaniously cry from joy.

I think this little pic from their home page says it all

http://www.wienerschnitzel.com/world_pusher_view.php?pusher=91

only you guys can make me proud to call myself

a weiner lover

I have now decided that my ultimate job would be

2008-07-23T15:08:00.000-05:00

Cast....Bozo Show...1978-1984

When is it MY turn?

2008-07-03T15:02:00.003-05:00

When does beat box hero come out?

I'm dying to download the Fat Boys pack

all it would have taken was a nickel bag of crank?

2008-06-19T14:28:00.002-05:00

As long as I get to be on top......or even doggie.

I wouldn't have spent so many formative years sharpening my game.

Today

2008-06-05T09:34:00.002-05:00

I'm just trying to be as cool as the song "Town Called Malice" by The Jam

due to my hangover and snotting on my shirt due to an unexpected sneeze attack I'm only at a "Puttin on the Ritz" by Taco at BEST

it's gonna have to be a special afternoon to get me back on track

Cloverfield!

2008-06-02T12:17:00.007-05:00

Why do I want this type of incident to happen in real life?

Except in Iowa....

I have visions of my glued to my tv set as I pack up the ride to head west.

Then sit at a safe distance and scream "YEAH CORNVERFIELD GET EM!!!!"

then the military would come and wipe him out in a wicked display of carnage and wildfire.

then we would high five and party.

I would debut my creation the "vodkano" (patent pending) we would dance while being showered with premium spirits, get numb and provoke wetness

why did no one tell me this dame was in the movie?!?!

she could come to the party.

wheel. house.

I'd be so deep in that she would have to give birth to my testicles.

ALL OF IT

Iron Man

2008-05-30T13:48:00.002-05:00

Would it kill mr swingers to put even the tiniest of cameos for ghostface?

that mikey i tell ya

all ched

zero cred

I might have to take a job as a sableboy

2008-05-30T11:02:00.001-05:00

To find a larger collection of shit in one place

but unlike the other haters.....I still plan on spending the weekend supporting at least ONE castmember.

I am on hold right now with Macy's to procure a mannequin....or at least an arm to tickle my taint as I keep big things poppin to my copy of porkys.....lassie indeed
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

dirty gym socks optional

got some new ink did

2008-05-29T14:42:00.004-05:00

they didnt quaff the hair to my specifications....and lord patricks back legs are a whole 6 inches MINIMUM thicker in real life....but what should i expect from a turd monkey with a pierced septum

I look in the mirror

and all i see

is a young old man with only a dream

am i just fooling myself that this will stop the pain?

living without him

ill go insane

*tear*

Like a young turk Cruise on the town with a new Balabuska

2008-04-26T13:59:00.000-05:00

language nsfw

getting back on the horse

2008-03-31T22:50:00.009-05:00

Figured I'd try a few short updates and see if I can get back in gear.

Back in the day I went on a cruise.....

Was gonna post it here.....

Realized that I should get permission to post my girlfriend and sister on here.......

But then I would have to explain it further........

So here are some shots that I can post freely.......

And as I look though it.....

It looks like a sequel to Boat Trip

go ahead

try it out

next roll of filmage you look at

elimiate all the females from your shots......

opens window

2007-08-07T21:27:00.000-05:00

its smells like cab driver feet in here

So let's see......sorry I haven't updated in a while but as some of you may know

I have a girlfriend now.

Yikes, right?

Well it hasn't hindered my adventures but has changed my paignparazzi practices and ambiguous sexy time......which I am getting used to

So let's see........I plan on telling stories of the days of yore, but that is for another day

Let's see what is in the cambank

AH YES!

My night with the Harryheads!

My night could begin and end with this dude

You know the one

The SUPER EMPLOYEE!

Tossing knowledge!

Hinting to the fans that he might have sniffed a fresh copy

He hosted was paignful portion of the night called "The Great Snape Debate" where fans got really unecessarily LOUD voicing their opinion onf a dude named snape and what his intentions were.....this "mediator" between 42 year old women and 8 year old boys was obviously using this opportunity to "pose quesitons" (read give his many many thoughts) on what is to transpire.......I snatched the mic from him the first time he asked me "how much time do I have left?"

none sucka go find me a book on erotic art

I had 20 that he would bring me back one full of dudes

Oh really?!?! I wasn't sweating enough from the fire hazzards worth of winners in this joint

way to take it to 11!

AS much as I love comments on my blog....the one in the purple dress is MAYBE 14 pck.....just cutting you off at the pass buddy

THIS is the ringmaster....the queen of "EVERYONE TAKE 2 STEPS BACK!!!"

obviously loves the night of authority and tried to put some on me asking if we could stay and keep our sound system rollin till all the numbers were announced to get their books

sorry glenda there is vodka to be drank

well done on hosting the spelling bee and pwning the median age group in the joint with your difficult words.....nothing like rewarding teens for choosing to be waiting for a wizards book on a friday night, during the summer.....when it is available in the fuckin produce section of schnucks the next day.

Kids were actually addressing this dude AS "Professor Dumbledore"

Did he correct them

Nope

He reveled in it

Congrats Professor

You have a degree in skeevy

Look at em

LOOK!

would I rather stroll through compton blackface with a confederate flag cape

OR

yell out a spoiler

*flips coin*

its comes up death

well......

the thing is......

let just see what else is in the paigncam bank

Everytime I hear Tupac's "Picture me Rollin"

2007-07-12T23:22:00.000-05:00

I picture this

Oh it's go time you dirty red headed slut

2007-06-18T23:27:00.000-05:00

Let's take it to the kumite, thunderdome, hell even okinawa I'll let you bring myagi and his little drums

I ban you ass after you hike up the price on my double stacks

It's all I asked for.....the 99 cent double stacks, they were perfect, I choked down your subpar fries and prolly personally kept the Neil location still in bidness

Then you fire the first shot....the spicy chicken, folks raved!!! I held my ground

Then you went out of bidness and I was not sad to see you go

99 cent buffalo chicken.......well played

Now you've gone below the belt

TRIPLE STACK for 1.99

You better take those earrings off casue I'm finna smack those bows off your bean.

I never read any of the books......

2007-06-18T23:11:00.000-05:00

So I ask to my loyal reader.........upon reading the Harry Potter books did you vision

Voldemort

To look like a walking penis?

Did a chapter say por emplo......"We knew his arrival from the earth he was comdemed when we noticed the crevase he arose from looked like a giant mushroom"

I still dig the movies, tons of very special effects and fun

but

just not scary

well I guess children SHOULD fear an adult penis and immediately run away........so maybe they are onto something

Underrated Movie of the Day

2007-05-23T11:50:00.000-05:00

Sure any movie that features Willie Ames as a teacher porking king of the school is gonna kick ass, but what steals the show is the presence of the underutilized Scatman Crothers!

There is a scene where the Scatman gets stoned and dethroned from a furnace full of the stinky sticks and slips into a state of pure bliss.

His mind takes him to a land where he and Albert Einstein are riding bikes through some beautiful scenery

THEN HIS WIFE SHOWS UP TO THROW LARGE SALAMIS AT HIM!

Why won't his wife let him have the salami?

I'm sure there is some deep inuendo of role reversal that I am choosing to ignore here, but that scene flat out smokes.

well and of course there is a whole lot of nudity, cause wisely most 80s movies showed some for the hell of it, and because they liked to please. Not just open it up for all ages so some little 12 year old shit can buy a ticket for box office results, rather than just sneak in like we used to do!

I am a firm believer that this movie started my obsession with all things legs, and of course garter belts

it still makes it move like a squirrel in a gunny sack.

Thank you Zapped!

A NUMBE ONE SUPASTAH

2007-05-23T11:26:00.000-05:00

I fear going to Branson.....not the smell of embalming fluid and a ripe depend

but fear that I will fall under the spell of one

I fear one note of the masterful bowing will place me under a spell that I will not awaken.

I will wear the suit. I will become the suit.

I have however paid omage to the man, strike that, the diety that is Shoji.

It is my new phrase for instances such as......

......Prepping for date, and realizing that I am out of skintimate shaving gel for my balls

SHOJI TABUCHI!

......Losing in a game of warm gin

SHOJI TABUCHI!

......Tearing my latest Long John Silvers hat

SHOJI TABUCHI!

......Getting shunned by the Meijer greeter that dresses her oxygen tank like a little human

SHOJI TABUCHI!

WHOAH DONUTS!

2007-05-18T10:55:00.000-05:00

There was a jolly fellow named Roy. Roy was in a movie called "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey." Not my favorite Bill and Ted's movie, but I digress. There was one of those "makes no sense" moments in that movie that caused snot to pour and sides to hurt for no apparent reason. These happen from time to time. It's the only reason I bought Robin Hood Men In Tights, and so on....but I'm gettting all tangent-y again.

During this movie there is a point where Bill and Ted are dead and decide to possess their dad and co captain of the police department to inform them of wrong doings in the little town of San Dimas. Once they realized they were in the bodies, the shorter dumpier man proclaims "WHOAH DOUGH-NUTS!" in a spot on cali surfer that has been dead for days and craving fried pastry accent.

I lost it.

Once again, can't explain it.

It got me by the brain banana.

It was either contageous or my best friend and I share the same brain, but he lost it as well. This was '93, I was just barely getting my license, and just starting to make out with Mary Jane for the first times in my life. The phrase stuck. Anytime something awesome or awestriking would happen we would proclaim. "WHOAH DO-NUTS!" The space is there because there is a break in his exclamation.

Anyhooo.....my mom asked me about it one day and embarassingly I try to explain it the best way I can without hearing her eyeballs rolling, and actually show her one day on TV.

To my surprise she says, "oh, that's Roy Brocksmith" all nonchalantly. My eyes popped and asked how she knows this. Apparently Roy is from Q-town...teh tip...aka...Quincy Illinois. Birthplace to my mother and home of one Roy Brocksmith. I was floored!

The next time we visited we actually run into him at one of the only 2 really nice restaraunts in town and of course I have him outgraph my napkin.

say it with me.....

"WHOAH DO-NUTS!"

Roy Brocksmith.

That was my donut story....then this morning I found myself assisting a broadcast at Dunkin Donuts for a fundraiser which featured donut batting practice with the St. Joe baseball team, a donut hole eating contest with the Champaign Fire and Police Chiefs, and meeting the new Illini Women's basketball coach, she was awesome, very nice, excited, and friendly....I wish he the most of successes...she was asked to spin a jelly donut in her finger....being a former globetrotter and all....surprising she was really damn close for being a stupid thing to ask someone to do

Then came the donut throw.....the amazing Juice to Leskis connection was in the works....our starting QB Juice Williams was to throw donuts from Dunkin....across Green St. over to me in the CVS parking lot....

The first one cruised over my head, and I nearly plastered myself into a pickup truck trying to pull it in for the score....not my best showing...I lost a shoe

I was ready for number 2.....BOOM...I was on it! Tracking it and it was heading almost to the exact same spot.....then upon re-entry it slowly disinigrated into a sugar cube sized pellet and fell before me.

After the flag football game last year, I still have no TD catches for the Illini in any way, shape, or form.

Although fun, it will not be my NEW donut story

R.I.P.

Roy

may your days be forever donut filled

649,739 times it works EVERY time!

2007-05-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

So yes, I folded a royal flush....the creme de la creme of all poker hands....I've never even SEEN one before

No that is not why I folded it....I had no business being in that hand

I'm playing poker with my buddies, not even drinkin'....I brought energy drinks to actually concentrate and try to win some cashish for my upcoming trip.....

Aboot 4 hands into the game I am dealt a queen and 10 of diamonds....not a great hand, but no one raises so I match the blinds for some cheap cards

Flop comes up, 9, K, 5.....the king also happens to be diamonds.

I am on the button there is a raise, and a re-raise.....so at this point I am at LEAST putting someone on kings, cause the 9 and 5 are not diamonds so that avoids any chance for a flush draw as I would possibly have them matched there

I fold, I have no business in the hand anymore, I am not gonna bluff at it with the re-raise

Turn - Jack of diamonds

River - the mother fuckin Ace of diamonds

My balls and heart shook hands

Thus ended my sober card playing for the night....

We ended the evening with a peanut fight and grillin choice cuts of meat at Texas Roadhouse around 4am

I'm sombody's NIGGA!

2007-05-09T20:38:00.000-05:00

wurd

In the ever growing experience of my myspace experiment I have discovered a whole world of entertianment....it's vast and I will catch you up on it....but today my newest friend found me!

This is Reggie

and he's my nigga

Here is the message he sent me

"What's up nigga? I saw you listed in this ACC group as a member and shit. So I don't want you think that we know each other but I Hope we can stay in touch cuz I like college sports too. I rep Wazzu Cougs and OU Sooners cuz I went to wsu and graduated and nwo at OU for master's. how's life nigga? I'm so missing college fball..get at me nigga.."

Now I can recite Menace II Society word for word, and have seen The Wu Tang Clan live in concert, but how did Reggie know??!??

First thought was SPAM....but after he added me as friends, I went to his page.....he is legit and now were are legitamately friends now.

He sent me this gem just recently via a bulletin post

"GMAIL is the way to go....

You can only get a GMAIL email account if you are sent an invitation. It's so much better than yahoo, hotmail, aol, etc. Way more storage room and less spam.Send me a current email address if you want a GMAIL.I only have 99 invites left. =)"

Thanks Reggie!

DA WHAT?!?!

2007-04-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

As you can see....ever since i was a little paigndiddle....i have embraced life to the fullest

coming up memorial day weekend...i am taking a surprise trip

where will i go, only one person knows

i am just being told an airport and a time

will i be hippo hunting in africa (i am still positive i can kill one with no traditional weapon assistance) or touring the bridges of madison county!

either way, photos will be here early june

ODE TO THE TOT!

2007-04-04T13:33:00.000-05:00

by paigniac

aka

paignfull

aka

paigndiggity

aka

dong johnson

aka

mr wang goldstein esq

aka

sir sebastian sabotage

*clears throat*

Tasty golden buddies so delectable so crispy

I'll eat the shit out of you sober, stoned or tipsy

If you were a broad you wouldn't have to put out on the first date

If presented with a challenge I'm postive I could eat my weight

Now BK ADDED CHEESE and I need a nap from all this pleasure

Like a pirate lookin for booty I have now sampled this treasure

Goodbye breakfast burritos, goodbye Egg McMuffin

My belly shall grow exponentailly from all the upcoming tot stuffin

Back on the scene crispy and clean

2007-03-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

I blame MTV for ruining a good thing for me

I used to LOVE the Big Brother Crew, and simulataniously the CKY crew.....once they got together and made Jackass......well I can't blame them for making a dollar, but they made a mockery out of Bam and such that kinda pissed me off

BUT

one solo star is shone through.....and now I would like to take a minute to highlight some of Brandon "Dico" DiCamillo's career via YouTube.....cause well.....his shit makes me giggle

I used to wait on pins and needles for a new CKY vid.....

GOTTA kick it off with a classic the history of the town they put on the map

its the passion....someone told my wife some things about FUCKIN!

the way he sells it...puts it into a homemade movie

ITS HIS QUICKNESS ON THE FLY.....amazing.....another prank call

did i mention he can freestyle?!?!!??!?!? poke you with a little stick....WARNING BOOBIES!

well this is getting long on viewing.....without getting into his "metal band GNAR KILL (maybe a later date).....so NOW....clips from the cult movie they put out called...."Haggard" a little on the cheese side....but some generally guffaw moments for a stonejob like yours truely

did i mention that i am twisted?

I think I'll cozy up with my copy of "My Giant" tonight

2007-02-08T13:47:00.000-06:00

MOVING

2007-02-05T04:23:00.000-06:00

not the oscar snubbed richard pryor movie

BUT

people wanna claim that certain cities are better than others

I just claim

people

aren't

livin

the HIGH LIFE

jesus snack plate

2007-02-05T04:07:00.000-06:00

what, what!?!

a face only a mother could love

or a sis in law.....tailgate is a family affair

then it getz ugly

teh paigniac runs into an ex

but the "family" moves on

and that's all i got to say about tailgate, that's fit to print

OH WAIT

a disclaimer

NEVER

EVER

EVER

challenge a kiwi to ANYTHING, this dude threw me into a cake and pwned me in a beer bath that would make an irishman proud

I thought I had to juice to roll drink for drink

to no avail

it was all a dream

2007-01-25T23:45:00.000-06:00

i used to read "word up" magazine

lessee, where were we

snap, i guess it was homecoming

people who went to school here, all coming home

like internets friends, they were there

some were happy to see me, some were not

some made me randy

some violated the snugglekiller......ive never had that many clothed people in my car

some went to prison

some people started early

some of them "finished" early

some muled heroin

*psst* its the one who lives closest to the border

someone else took this picture

ok, not really, but this is when paigniac "lost a little time"

so we are BOTH first seeing these pics

some got shy

some fell for a saved by the bell pick up line

to quote the wise brandon walsh

"chin chin"

is there a law against making sensual, sulty, sweaty love to something this beautiful

dont judge my crime of passion

unpause

2007-01-25T23:43:00.000-06:00

make em say ugh!

2006-12-12T22:45:00.000-06:00

So

Big Gulps ehh?

oksothisissomeofwhatihavebeenupto!

damn, I HAVEN'T POSTED SINCE TAILGATE SEASON?!?

lol

wow

this might take some time

early ass tailgates, and when i get up the sun is dialated like only 2 cms, most of the time i am just getting home....so when we partnered with "After Hourse" hangover water, i at least thought the show would fit.....looked like a sweaty mannequin when these dames arrived.....damn

who's quick on the draw,......THIS GUY.....i was actually able to capture the ONE time holly laughed during all of tailgate season

okay, once you are done laughing at the drunk man with then antonesque fuckin hair goin on here.....I included this pic because i have a swollen melon....seriously.....UUUUGE.....i CAN squeeze into a 7 and 7/8, but i likes me 8s......now LOOK AT THIS MUTTON to my left!!!!! Met the dude at jillians a while back, i was in awe.....head

before you ask, YES...those are my pants to the left of a drunkin dan, and NO....i was not wearing them seconds before this shot.....sinners

on special at Chiefs....it's no High Life, but it goes down kinda smooth

served by a green eyed bandit

Greico, Greico doenst like pictures, or Jonathan Lipnicky.....he hit town with his lovely cohab, audra, he struck gold with that one the luck bastard

then he ate her, and we had to ditch the remains.....but keep that on the DL,,,,,thanks

I have no clue who this guy is, but he was pretty cool, so I hung out him the following weekend.....i think, im losinig track here

thats it for now, still homecoming, halloween, and other shit to come

i gotta home run inn, firming up real nice like in the hot box and a bottle of hat sase to douse it with

So how long do you think it will take, RE: Wii

2006-11-20T19:35:00.000-06:00

For some pimple butt to try to make a case against nintendo for tennis elbow

I like the interactive feature that Nintendo is bringing to the table, but come on, look at your target demo here

I remember this beauty from my youth

the POWERPAD!!!!!

great concept, except all the lazy bastards in my hood just layed on the floor and pounded the buttons with their hamfists

Let me explain that I grew up in my own sad Lost island of the paign.....when i was a young paigniac, the closest sign of "town" was a mile at least in any direction.....sure cool for corn games, and i had dibs on the only 2 cute girls in the whole neighborhood....BUT it forced me to be friends with all the dudes in my age demo, athletes were not plenty, yes i was a first round draft pick in any sport....but there was no comp

so there i was taking breaks between D and D sessions to play some athletic NES, only to get pwned by some dude and his cheating method....he was a dirty filthy cheater

I predict these interactive games to go by the wayside, sadly

oh, and what would a stank update be without an ass shot

ok, so not a real ass, but there will never be a real man ass on this blog

lock it

HAHA....success!!!

2006-10-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

Computer is up and running.....Thanks Mr.T!!!

the stank is back

zero defects

Hey, I'm getting a new phone!!

2006-09-13T17:09:00.000-05:00

just pretend its the backwards ep of seinfeld, this will all make sense later

OH, there were swords involved as well, yep, swords

it's a cig, but I pretend in this pic, Nate is demonstrating self milking

bow and arrows, yes, they came into play....THAT'S why we got out the helmet

this was gonna be a deuce pole, which shirt should I buy at my live broadcast...this one???

or

stupid amber not checkin her phone!!

The obvious answer is the blond with the other caption....but since that was not an option, I was leaving it up to my deuce bretheren

like I said before, my laptop is dusted due to keyboard problems, due to recent vet bills, who knows when I'll get it fixed....I'll try to update when I can

fin

So, you see my phone broke and......

2006-09-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

.........is this some sort of work regualation.......I know I suck at the internet, but this is getting out of hand

prizes awarded after the great office clean of 05.....Backyard baseball 2001! My old Jock! Dreamy autograph pic of Ronn Moss!

some pre-clean shots...I think I could have held out till 06

One of my office's prized possessions, needless to say that "working lunch" I never returned from, LOOK AT THOSE RITAS!!!!

RIP snuggles :(

this camel tried to EAT MY FACE OFF....my nose must look treat-y

Fire by my buddy's house in savoy...I LOLed when all the neighbors came running out all deshevled....."THAT BETTER NOT BE WAL-MART" I ran with a quickness to capture thier sad, crying faces.....but got this instead....I got yelled at for being WAY over the police line

Guess What???

2006-09-13T16:50:00.000-05:00

More cam pics, but since you are probably reading this in reverse, this makes no fuckin sense

work with me people, my laptop is broken, so I can only update at work

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm tailgate season

garage daze, this is a serious, there was a helmet, a wig, copius booze, a noody bar involved, and rock and roll.....one of many nights I should have died....

Do I need a caption for this?!?! Greatest night in Minneapolis EVER!

I forgot bikes, bikes were involved as well

creeper in line with me after the Cubs/Cards game

Bought this dude a shot and a beer at esquire in appreciation of the shirt

Its rings no more

2006-09-13T16:39:00.000-05:00

CAMERA PHONE!

The ex making out with a chick, she was a real trooper

Kissing other chicks, PLUS....dressing up my dog, MINUS

another Illini game at the United Center

Got the whole crew topless at teh campfire, due to my amazing abilities at catch phrase...why didn't I have a REAL camera then....DAMMIT!

I literally put my nuts on the line for that one, and it was a chilllllly night

Summer in Nantucket, with the role of Hoops McCann played by yours truely, and Cassandra played by a russian exchange student working at the local seafood shop......*swoon*

right out in front of Ackbar's condo....I don't remember taking this pic, but it was a nice phone wallpaper for a good stint

for some reason this site is limiting my pics uploads......

RIP paignphone

2006-09-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

you WILL BE MISSED

So many memories........

LOL...the florida trip, I might have to post some of those pics later

memories of the Breen house....you can still see my braincells splattered all over that place

Men in black tuxedos didn't buy my "checkin my email" excuse at this bach party...if you squint you can see booty, maybe it was my feet on the stage that pissed them off....

Emery Moorehead's Superbowl ring....I got to try this badboy on for a whole 5 MINUTES!!!! I loved when the Bears were in town

more to come

Where have I been???

2006-09-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

not to go into the dog debacle, let's just take a quick trip down pic memory lane

my life has been filled with

wooden indians

this train is kinda awesome

I roll this so hard

then i'd school hippies under my spell of homeade veggie quesuhdilluhs, I'd trade them for carrots and peyote

here is me mid-dose

there were many dumb broads

girls that LITERALLY can't hold their booze.......that deserve a shot to the anus

boogie hears a hoo

friendly barkeeps......lady where's my spy camera

took this cutie to afterhours cause of her sexy "love sneeze" guards

got the "cool as ice" special at Cost Cutters

met mordecai brown

there was another skeetfest

Joe harnessed his powers to PWN raves with his light control

soul brother number 1 came in town, aka squanto, aka chops, aka camo

got my NYC buddy to once again remember, and then shortly evny paignlife

I fuckin LOVE when my friends become cops

got the airband back together

heard some crazy tijuana sex stories, and no Dan was not telling them

reconnected with local law enforcement

danced with the amazing happiest tailgate baby!

celebrated an ILLINI victory!!!

met the EIDouche contingant

Oh

and I had a couple glasses of milk

fin

BAD THINGS MAN!

2006-09-05T16:48:00.000-05:00

The last week leading into the NFL season, I start to hear the voices of Dennis Hopper..."neet, neet, swamp"

His name is Barry Sanders

Notice how I leave out any of the various amounts of onage that this little midget caused my beloved bears.....cause it happened OFTEN, so this was no easy task. *****EDIT, this statement made sense when I had the awesome clips of Barry against Dallas and New England from YouTube, why do I suck at the internet so*******

Nevermind that 12head having smegma chokin emmitt smith takes all the 90s kudos for backin in the league.....no one should ever forget Barry, he had 1/3 of the line and played for a mob boss, poor little Barry would have woke up with Scott Mitchell's extra frontal lobe in his napsack if he didn't hit 1800 yards a season...

It was tough for myself to root for Barry to get 180 yards and game and still lose to the Bears. It was a seriously tough childhood. I have never seen moves like this matched. Sure I believe that Walter, Brown, and to an extent even Bo Jackson were overall better backs.....but Barry was the underdog, the highlight reel, the little guy. After watching years of seeing players get popped and knocked around, survival of the fittest. Barry showed you that it was much easier to get into the end zone if you just let everyone miss you.

I would have selected you in fantasy football Barry.

Fuck a Ron Rivers

And all the TDs Big Pussy stole from you

*salutes*

Before Texan drops the dime on me

2006-08-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

Yes, YES....I did get a myspace account

*lays down on marble alter*

I shall take my lashings now

Even though most of my actions are Willy Nilly (yes i just enjoy saying that) but this one was planned my friends and enemies

So I roll to teh bar the other night, I order my second drink so I am still coherant but randy as always and these 2 dames srike up a convo with yours truely.....they are both sweet and equally attentive....so there lies the dilemma, how do I ask for a number....what if I pick the WRONG one, maybe one is wingwoman, and I chose her, then I killed any chance with the other

fuckbeans

So through the convo they mention myspace...I tell them I don't get it, it's confusing to a caveman like me, blah, blah.....and they rave on and on about it

*DING*

I create an account, add them as friends and see which one is friendier!

done and done

come to find out, I dated one of their freinds and I am foiled....curses

so like any other straight male that has put in the effort to make this thing happen, I hit the browse key....might as well see if there are any other single females on here since it is an untapped resource, and there she was

A girl I am totally crushin on, but acted a fool in front of one night at the bar......surprise, surprise drink-y paigniac flirted with her and her boyfriend came by.....I ripped him to shreds and told her that he was a fuckin geek, and drop him......yes, I know....effin terrible, catch bees with honey....not one of my finer moments

I have seen her twice since, and drummed up SOME salvation of small talk.....but I need Huck to finish this fence

so there she is on effin myspace! She accepted my friend request....I might be back in the game

so HA Texan! No gloating. I admit it, I am a myspacer, and well, proud isn't the word.....where was I goin with this?

damn

but if it works out with this dame it will be embarrassment well worth it's while....I make a fool out of myself nightly for less

I did have a slight error in name choice

Mr. Wang Goldstein Esq.

I figured SOME Caddyshack buff MIGHT be able to decipher it.....but instead most people think I am bragging about my paignis....oops

I just dug Al's compadre

HEY WANG, don't tell em you're Jewish!

I'll never get married

OH, and I almost forgot, I got Err, Tobias Funke, and Cobra Commander as my friends....so life isn't all that bad

So your humble narrator was called upon for a mission

2006-08-24T22:35:00.000-05:00

TO ROCK THE FACES OFF THE TOWNFOLK OF RANTOUL!!!!!!

My arrival in Rantucky is secret, but I always leave a stamp

Faces ROCKED, once I requested Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry, the rantuckians don't know what hit then!

This litte hesh^^^^ had to CHECK to see if his face was attached

One of these phillies gave me their number, I won't say which one, but you might still be able to find it in the parking lot if you are really curious.

THEN

THE

TABLES

TURNED

OH SNAP....I choose C....there has to be a C on this exam!!!

she said she just wanted to by me a shot cause she "liked my face"......i didn't know it came with a side of McGriddles!

Then "Don't Cry" by GnR started up, and maybe it was that infamous Rantoul dust, or maybe too many well rum specials....but I was weak, and beaten....Kudos to you tommy twotoneshirt

*tear*

it's beautiful

Next time I take no prisoners!!!!

Another football hero of the days of YORE!

2006-08-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

the manimal known as

Tom RATHMAN

Before I knew what a Fullback was, or why he was on the field, I knew the force at was Tom Rathman

All of you geezers that saw the days of powerbacks can go talk about that over some discounted coffee

This dude crushed humans, and cleared the way for the likes of mr. highknees himself, Roger Craig...I submit to this date he wouldn't have been half as successful without "the Rath"....ok, their line was pretty good, but I digress

In that style of offense, Joey Montana dumped to this freight train at any time he needed that extra push, that guarenteed 3rd down conversion

There was no stopping him....sure you Dallas fanboys will come at me with the moose, but Rathman would rip the moose in half and cook eggs with his marrow for a pregame guffaw...then grab Brad Muster to pick his teeth

seriously step in front of that.....my favorite 49er and fullback of all time

*salutes*

Office life needs more chains

2006-08-23T11:15:00.000-05:00

Sorry Mr. T

2006-08-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

I MUST BREAK YOU!

2006-08-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

Kids Rule

2006-08-16T01:32:00.000-05:00

So I applaud the effort for the neighborhood kids to "paint" some sort of court on our park hoop.

BUT

At least if I was in boystown, I might be able to run a few games

I feel like I am stepping into "the yard" everytime I get on the court now

Ok, maybe I will put off this quitting smoking thing....

2006-08-14T19:03:00.000-05:00

....for just a LITTLE longer, I mean when I go to make out with

Alessandra Ambrosio

I don't want her to feel self conscious for having ashtray breath

I bet she even makes chemo sexy

Oh glorious day

2006-08-14T12:48:00.000-05:00

I can free up an hour and a half on my DVR, and retire my old worn out VHS copy of

I first saw this movie in 98....One of my best friend's uncle is a pretty famous movie critic in New York, and he sends "care packages" of random movies that he didn't go to the theater to see, but still needs to review....I got a hold of this gem, and never let go.

I live in a world where Air Bud 2* can hit DVD, but this piece of comedy genius can't get pressed????? Seriously how much does it cost to make a DVD anymore, they are on fuckin endcaps at Deals!

(all apologies to Air Bud 2, I have not seen it, but I doubt it can compare with Most Vertical Primate)

You can find Safe Men in your local Best Buy tomorrow, so you can understand me when I say such things as

Where would I be finding fresh jams?

I tried to stick my tongue in her mouth, and she punched me in the penis

So there I am drownin those fuckers in the cocktail saaaauuce

She gave me a thumbs up in aprreciation of the pants

I'm Hamlish

Sweet Deinse Schniiiidher!

Yes, I chafe, I am SICK from chafing, I have a fake ass over my ass

and when I refer to you as Tuff Turf, or a Lazy little BABOON!

Obviously Giamati as Veal Chop is a truely golden performance, but many other take turns stealing this show, from Zahn, Michael Lerner, Fierstein, Ruffalo and Josh Pais......please feel free to discuss

Oh, you want a plot summary....negative, if you do not like this movie, you never have to listen to another reccomendation of mine again....

At least rent it

I am gonna look like an idiot getting a slow gin fizz by myself

The attack of "that guy"

2006-08-09T21:57:00.000-05:00

I have no pics of "that guy", but when I got to meet him, he was taking his picture with the waitress....:boggle....that should never, ever, ever, ever, happen

this is what happened after that

<====here is part of "that guy's heed"

Anthony and the woman (sara)

she put the lockdown on me talkin to her friend in the peach, but that's ok

So it was on to afterhours

me and melissa....damn I need a new pose, or something!

sadly, Tina is moving to Portland :(

the crowd picked up and I got too drink=y to take pics

but

name this area hairstylist and I owe you a coke

Can you smell what rock's is cookin?

2006-08-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

Cooled my heels in one spot for once......it helps when 3 buddies are tending to the slab

THIS could ulgy

Tony is already on a roll

Free shots don't help......

.....ok, so they don't HURT, that's for sure

The only pic I could get my law talkin buddy King (featured right) in.....the Paignparazzi will getcha.....STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY SIR!

Cheers Carey, or Karey.....ok, so not THAT good of a buddy, more like one of "those guys".....his last name is butts, or buttz....either way it couldn't have been an easy childhood

another round A-Y! My last tab was $15,287....tenders got jokes

Come on Jenny, you love to hate me.....Tony your IN!

Told ya, paigniac got jokes too!

This is Brett, Brett used to want to tear my skin off and fashion some sort of blazer out of it to wear for sport.......but now we are friends, and he has a much hotter girlfriend....I did him a favor....he just doesn't like being on THAT side of the bar somuch

Kristen like HIM, and I think that's kinda sexy

THEN, the infamous walk home......

I'll spar you the 27 angles my drunk ass took of this tree on my walk home, it's my favorite in all of town.....this is one effin tree.....I'm sorry that A- I can't figure out my timer yet, and B- That it stole that kid in poltergeist

No shit!

then I got a phone call

got busted by the "pool police"

this was the only pic I was allowed to post

girl on the right for being 5' 8" was quite the swimmer

fin

Football season has replaced Christmas

2006-08-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

No longer to get that feeling of a fat man in the velor sprinkling my family room with kung fu gripped action figures, or dinosaurs that turn into robots

I love my family, and always appreciate a new shirt, and some gift cards....but

FOOTBALL SEASON

it's better than strip clubs

it's better than dollar double cheeseburgers

it's better than 3 vicodin and a lazy sunday in the hammock

it's better than god rubbing my tummy!

In aticipation of this glorious occasion I will feature a new football hero sporatically......I won't give a timeframe, because I never do

but today I bring you

one of my personal heros

If you have never witnessed White Lightning....you better axe someone

If your dad doesn't know....ask how you were conceived with him having no actual balls

In a game today featuring aligator armed men named Randy who would shart themself with light contact....this MAN took the best that you could dish

in the 80s when rules were not as severe and LBs ate kickers he went over the middle without question

it almost seemed like they were pruposely setting him up perfectly to take the most vicious hit possible

yet like every girl I have ever slept with's period, he was alwasy reliable, and always made me feel at east when he showed up in the huddle

I knew things were gonna be ok

*salutes*

Pot Paury

2006-08-08T22:53:00.000-05:00

kickass fundraiser.....though I am a poser parrothead, I don't really know the music, but I know margaritas, and help chair a committee......we hope to get at least 20k for the American Heart Association.....I'M ALL HEART BITCHES

April and myself in our attractive teshurts sweating our asses off before the crowd shows up

Boat Drunks with TC Mitchell

A couple thousand of my friends

Birthday party with some fellow paigndeucers, and friends, or both

The B-Boy himself in his B-boy stance........there was no weed in there, I promise

Illusions Michael.....Tricks are something whores do for cocaine or money

I'm likin the unsteady nightshot feature on my cam, adds effect

no love for the paignparazzi

Joe can dance, and sing, and drink.......this here is what we call the triple threat ladies and gents

A meeting of the minds.....I swear they use some hybrid freakish ink on those bar stamps.....shit took me 2 days to scrub off, work thought I got a tat......sure, dice

see tina gets nicer as she has a couple more drinks

fin

So he likes at least ONE muscle from brussels?

2006-08-04T18:40:00.000-05:00

http://www.doubleviking.com/2/van-damme-the-nut-grabber--523-p.html

Sudden Inpant

^^^^this is where I would name this something clever if I knew anything about computers

hence why all of my links are wrong over here>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

sorry jacks and tort

so I TRIED to make it work, and it doesn't....you'll have to copy and paste

I suck at the internet

you know you want to cut and paste......is it pistachios???!? I won't tell.

Mad Max beyond funderdome

2006-08-04T02:36:00.000-05:00

This pic is either....

1 - A look into the future at my mayoral post party?

2- A shot from the set of Lethal Weapon 6 where Murtaugh passes the "I'm too old for this shit" line to his pupil?

3- A brilliant sting by the jewish media?

you decide

Clash of the Titans

2006-08-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

Chucky's Birthday meets Sonny's last night as a bachelor....aka....how the hell did this night happen???!?!?

Anthony and Jenna, best man/woman in 2 different upcoming weddings....I just thought it was a nice picture, and those are rare for me

Chucky the pirate? I still swear this dude has like 4 birthdays a year.

One woman for the rest of your life buddy, peace indeed

I love going back and seeing just how people decide to pose for their pics.....dude on the right is Tom, he was like my mentor in High School in the ways of women.....this pic might be my last tutorial?

SMURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brett, Sonny, and Anthony giving love to the deuce, or they all tied and my fist is a rock....which makes me the winner!

Grant was my main competition back in the daze for ladies, he moved away to Texas to play football in the "football is life world"....I can only assume his hair fell out from scoring so much

It's offcially drunk thirty and there is the dancefloor....which, yes, I was on....but there will be no pics of that today

Sadly I could not attend the wedding due to my Saturday night plans

the pics would have been gold :(

I heart festivals

2006-08-01T21:43:00.000-05:00

Mind you not the blockbuster ones like the Illinois State Fair....which by itself is an entity of it's own, and pics to follow from my annual trip.....but the small ones, the ones that give back

the ones for a dollar, you can pop a balloon and adorn your bathroom with such festive decor as

yeah, that's right.....one buck baby.....I have a vision of a photoshoot

The players in the short will be

Darla - The model
Rick - The assistant
Randy - The man with a vision and a camera

Rick - "So come over to my basement and I'll pay your 40 bucks to pose with a gun"

Darla - "Golly, I could huff a lotta paint with that, I'll put on my BEST denim"

Randy - "CUT! There is a bloodstain on your wall"

Rick - "Let's fly the colors!......ok, GO"

Randy - "CUT! I have a premention, women want to be free, match with the right to be free to carry a GUN!"

Rick - "Gotit, BARE ARMS, BARE CHEST!"

Randy - "HOT DOG, run with it" I only got 2 more pictures on this disposable, and the woman wants me to get it developed cause Lil Wayne's positive lice check"

Rick - "Something's missing,......something pure, something AMERICA!

Darla - "I could throw up the shocker?!?"

Randy - "naw, were being political!"

Rick - "Add one of our founding fathers, and his gift to the indians for teaching him how to farm corn"

Randy - "You read my mind"

Rick - *plops Jack bottle in the backround*

Randy - "Were gonna be so rich!"

so here's to you randy, my dollar contribution for a mirror that I cannot see myself in, which might be a good thing, cause there is only so much machismo to go around

You know how this story always goes....I got really drunk, woke up

2006-07-31T01:46:00.000-05:00

and joined

COBRA?

A few Sloe Gin fizzes and a peak at the Baroness in a chain mail dancing routine to Du HAst by Rammstein and I was soooooo weak.

Wish me luck in my new endeavor

Look like someone had a case of the Mondaze

2006-07-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

Dan was down for early drinx

Joe can walk again!!

foot tats are caliente

shocking storied were told!

many beers consumed!

Joe kidnapped a girl, I stabbed someone with a Trident!

we tried to let her go, but joe's ass was too irresistable to her

*scenes missing due to goldschlger shots*

afterbar was not the BEST idea

Joe sacked out, so we tried to wake him up, to no avail

so we hijacked his computer, and played questionable music

fin

rodDICK = pwned

2006-07-27T18:56:00.000-05:00

There he is, the dude with the 140+ mph serve. 3 sets, 1 tiebreak, and a few tempertantrums later

Though new to tennis, I was pulling for Blake the whole way through....Andy is that kid that would invite you over to his house to play with G.I. Joe action figures and figure out a way to have Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes on the same team.....leaving you with a Barbeque and a Duke with a broken off thumb

cues De La Soul

2006-07-26T19:19:00.000-05:00

Girl meets boy on Thursday night
Boy was high, girl fly like kite
They hold hands until next day
Boy then lets go, hit his way
Boy rules butt, brags to his boys
Erection brings bad boy joys
Boy thinks of that big fat back
Big black fat love, big black fat
Girl calls boy to stand him up on Saturday
Saturday

Saturday, it's a Saturday
It's a Saturday, it's a Saturday
Saturday, it's a Saturday
Saturday, it's a Saturday

Back once more with the wallop in the score
Must I ride and rip, should I make you rock your hip
Reviver of a roller-boogie in a rink
And sure to make you think about the times
To scope fun instead of fights

(chick on the left was my first love, bad pic, the one with me is too moonpie face-y of me)

(But diving from a piece of metal sure to take your life)
Yo, slip your butt to the fix of this mix
Toss that briefcase, it's time to let loose
'Cause you've worked like heck to get the week in check
So unfasten that noose around your neck
Connected like a vibe from the wheel to the foot
Come on everybody dig the funky output

Five days you work
One whole day to play
Come on everybody, wear your rollerskates today
It's Saturday, Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday-ay
(Is the word, is the word, is the word)

(derrick aka K-Fed)

Now as you pump your fist I reminisce
To a bounce, rock, skate, roll
Fess to impress
Hey, pretty diamond, do you like the way I'm dressed
Cool, keep the faith and be my mate
'Cause all we need is feet
(And rollerskates)
But promote the hustle 'cause it keeps me thin
No need to talk, look who just walked in

(Is there a Dred on skates?)
Yes, man
(So kick the wham on this jam)
Oh Mr. Sprinkler, Mr. Sprinkler
Wet me for one, Mr. Sprinkler
I'm heatin' high-five in a daze, no split
With a yawn I trip to the dawn
Out comes the bodies following the one idea
It's clear, rattle to the roll
Hold back up the track, grab your rollerskates y'all
And let's zip on by
Zip-a-de-doo-dah, let's zip on by
Feed on a weed and we're feeling high
Sun is on thick and the cheese is rollin' quick
Come on, there's no time to hide
Season is twist, spinning and winning
No hackeysack, let let me in
Spill on the bottom away, but it's okay, huh
It's a Saturday

(Ant-Bone is happy)

(Sid is not)

Now let's all get baked like Anita

Watch Mr. Lawnge, don't look at the peter

Feel on the fun, I'll feel on the

Hey, watch that!

It's a Saturday

Now is the time
To act the fool tonight
Forget about your worries and you will be all right
It's Saturday, Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday
Saturday, it's Saturday-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
(Aaoww)

*recond scratch*

So I am peeing at Jupiters and look up

DOUG!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!?!?!?? WHY MUST YOU HAUNT ME!!!!!!?!?!??!

teh famous walk home

New pet peeve

2006-07-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

Toe Grabbers

I love me some sandle season....girls with pedicures, skirts, sundresses, the works.....amazing

but once you kick off those bad boys, you do back to this primal state....and grab things with your toes.....articles of clothing, trash, wrenches, pixie stix, what have you.

If your hands are full....make a second trip, otherwise you have this goofy posture balance-y thing goin on and TRANSFER the item to you hand!

Just bend over please

The evolution of my unborn paignboy depends on it

the more I witness this, the more I fear evolution giving us a foot thumb

Phunk hit town

2006-07-25T20:21:00.000-05:00

Got a call from my buddy Shawn aka "The Phunk" the p is in association with his last name. I would not approve of a ph sub for the letter f, just for the record. I'll never add zzzzzzs to any of my words either now matter how cool I think Snoop really is. I think he played a mean trick on all of you for following that lead. But anywho, on with the pics.

Shot of Partron to kick off the evening

My friend Derrick (pictured left) has drawn a comparison to K-Fed.....more on this later

Ran into a couple deucers, they had a head start on me

But I caught up quickly

chatted up this little minx

and, no....I did not check ID

stopped by halfway through the night for another "break"

Met this young philly at Soma....things got fuzzy....I do not remember her name, or if I gave her my phone number.....I might just HATE this camera afterall.....

afterbar kinda looks like a mess

so whynot armwrestle? HUH?!?!

I think I pulled my shoulder, this idea here, this one is bad

I must have thought it was "prison rules." This might be the gayest photo of me in existance, but I did just buy the camera. I swear I was just setting their hands for the start! Notice the skunkpatch birthmark that caused kids to call me "flash" growing up. Thanks

How many times did I pin you Tim? Yeah, that's right....pwned

Time to walk home

Made a couple phone calls during my trek :)

and then I found 5 dollars

Saturday got crazier.....update to follow

And people wonder why I am not married

2006-07-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

Even kids with chicken pox

Skeetfest

2006-07-17T18:48:00.000-05:00

Another Streetfest decended upon the hamlet of Champaign

this one featured Candy Foster, and the Shades of Blue

I was there to get blind and invisible

My buddy live right above esquire so we had a nice perch.....we made the last minute decision to not throw beads

Decided to join the masses and support the paign economy rather than drink upstairs and just enjoy the music.....prolly a good 3000 in attendance though....lots of gazelles about

Like this one....danced with this dame in the black dress for a bit

One thing I noticed about a digital camera is that it's hard to get pictures of girls you just met......I can understand this cause it comes off creepy......but there has to be a way around this......I am still a cam rookie.....I will report back on this

The band did their thing, got people movin, and with the insane heat, things got caliente out there in the crowd

Can I get a moment of silence

For This

small chronic break

Thank you

off to the bars!

Ran into my "plan B" girl....you know the one you make the pact with to get married by X age if we never find anyone....as I round up on 30 I better check and see what age that was???? I still got a lot of bullets in the chamber

Ran into these troublemakers.....I dated them, and they didn't know each other, now they are friends.....

paigniac: uniting townies since 2006

Although I have a suspicion they try to bag on me when I am not around

I have no clue who this is. This is afterbar. This is when the little paigniac starts to get foggy. I do remember convincing her to put on the helmet. I hope just for the picture, or else I missed out on some platinum comedy

Then I woke up in Mahomet

My friend Jamie gave me a ride home, and I drank 192483948 ounces of water in the longest 15 minute ride of my life

she prolly will hate that picture. My skills need sharpening

Weekend in the books on paigncam

Arrival of the Paigncam

2006-07-17T00:35:00.000-05:00

Broke it in when my buddy's band played the lovely establishment know as

The Phoenix!

FIRST PIC!

SHIT!

So I'm no fuckin Helmut Newton

These are the Hubbards

Dude on Bass is my friend Rob

Of the things witnessed at The Phoenix, even Britney would wear her shoes in there

I yelled hippie jargon at him as I steadily got drunker

I might bring a supersoaker of pechouli to their next show

2 of these men are fathers.....awesome

This dude was a manimal

Some really classic whitefolk moves goin on here

I Kept tryin to talk to this cutie in the green, pictured sitting gracefully on that barstool.

Dude to the right was her loyal watchdog boyfriend

I couldn't get 5 minutes of game in before he'd pop over

"SOOOOO, what's your name again?"

"So you know some people in the band"

"This is yet another lame attempt to start a conversation so you don't talk to my girlfriend"

BOOOOOO CREEPY FOOTDOCTOR

Double sided shots.....caliente

My friend Amanda is so lucky I don't know photoshop....this pic could be owned in many ways

So I get a call from one of my exes

2006-07-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

To tell me she's getting effin married?!? Why do I need this info?!?!

so for that nugget of a kind of interesting way to either wave it in my face, or kick me that I'm single, I'm finna post one of her posing pics....well, one that covers her naughty bits anyway

I Kinda have a thing for boots.

To the BOOT!

2006-07-01T17:56:00.000-05:00

So I have a new move I have been working on. I just straight up kick a girl in the ass now. I find a cute one, and walk beind her on the way to the bathroom, or through the bar, and just a light yet firm front of the toe kick. Get a little jiggle on it. When they flip around, I laugh and say, "Holy Shit" I thought you were my buddy Piper....I try to use an unusual name, or an exotic one to make the girl think I have exotic type friends and all that.

So far, 3 for 4 on convos, and 1 kinda upset boyfriend.....but we squashed that over shots.

*sidenote*

Girls always complain that dudes are had to figure out. Just buy us a couple shots. I know I'd be in love with you.

Football Update

2006-06-29T19:19:00.000-05:00

Only got a couple catches....Pierre Thomas was our QB which was pretty awesome, but with our team being split with girls, they got most of the offensive action.

I played 90 percent of the time on D....I had to cover McPhearson and Hudson....um OK

This is me and Brit Miller....one of the most down to earth and fun guys I met all day....solid cat, reminds me of a lot of people I would normaly hang out with. This according to him is the pose to make your muscles "pop".....didn't seem to work for me so good. Dude is gonna crack some skulls next year. Yet I saw him singing Ace of Base and reading a story book to children. CLICK CLACK!

Here I am with the brothers Mendenhall....Walter on the LEft, and Rashard on the right. About 9 years younger and it would take me a good 10 more years to get my pipes to this level. Fun guys, and similar tastes in music....we had a lot to talk about, and they will be ripping through lines in the Big Ten shortly.....Things are looking up in Illiniland for football for sure.

The whole cast was out there though, Juice, Lehman, Brasic, the aformentioned Pierre, Dmac, and Pierre, the guy I talked to the most personally was EB Halsley.....he is a class act

we ended up raising over 10k in cash and merchandise for the Cunningham Childrens Home, and after 13 hours of working and one very red neck, OUCH.....it was all in all a great day.

Feel the Paign ILLINI!!!

2006-06-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow I get to participate in a flag football game against the Illini

We were told we might get to use a backup QB on our team, and I am pulling for Isiah "Juice" Williams.....if I can catch a pass from a likely Heisman candidate

The team is full of work people, and I am in no magnificent shape, but prolly 1 of the top 3 "atheletes" on the team. Most likely I will be talking trash and "accidently" get folded by a 19 year old shit brickhouse. Hopefully pics will follow.

I am looking into a digital camera for my birthday which will take this blog to new heights

stay tuned

Yeah I'm back at it

2006-06-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

Thanks again Urbanabitches for letting the ban go through

I get it, I smoke therefore I am evil and I am killing all of you!

Here's an idea, how about opening a NON SMOKING place!

Oh...that's right cause us smokers pay your bills by supporting your bar.

Now you have an exuse, "Wasn't MY fault"

I hope they force you to choose what type of food you serve next

Deal Breaker!!!!

2006-06-01T19:52:00.000-05:00

ANOTHER game us gents like to partake in is one called "DealBreaker"

Picture the PERFECT woman, I mean tight butt wit a little jiggle, Small C cup, Tone calf, toes all filed in a row, wears high heels to the grocery store, eats burritos in bed, drinks scotch, can quote Safe Men and every other movie I have seen.....will dress up in garters and stormtrooper helmet to BED, and it's HER idea........(ok, so not eveyone's perfect girl, get your own image!)

but

Has a Hairy chest that is unshavable, and looks like a cross between Tom Jones and Austin Powers

DealBreaker?

My answer is no on this one

Feel free to play along

I have a million, and will number then accordingly.....

1 - Swears like sailor, I mean at least one F-Bomb every 10 minutes, and ALWAYS, we are talking Church, in front of your parents, at PTA meetings....etc....etc

2 - 3 fingers, I'll let you choose the 3

3 - Size 26 Shaq feet

4 - Has 4 kids......by 4 different dudes

5 - To marry her you can only eat Beans, Liver, and Lima Beans for life....till you are dead

Remember, the PERFECT woman

marinate on that for a minute

Album, Track, or Autobigraphy

2006-06-01T19:48:00.000-05:00

This is a game I play daily.....Basically somewhere along the lines something will pop into my bean, or come up out and about with friends that will eventually become a creation of one of these creative works in my life

My Album Title
My Recorded Tracks
My Autobiography

I've had a rough time documenting them, so this will be as good a place as any

so from over the weekend

Tracks

Cave Diddle
Digital Donkey

Autobiography Titles

There is a Clown in the Hotel Lobby
I Can Still Taste The Hot Tub

Paign Crash

2006-06-01T19:28:00.000-05:00

OK....so last week I am at Guido's and I meet up with some guys taking some massive amounts of shots...when that happens I sniff it out like a dog and come running....guys doing this are usually jovial and willing to pass out spillovers.....usually a hot occasion

A WEDDING

They lay down the time, place, date.....etc....

Why not?

So here is a quick highlight reel by bullet point formation....since I was layin low for quite sometime, introducing myself, and coolin my heels....then I noticed a lot of people on the smoking deck.....that in most cases is the party crowd, which featured the whole group of groomsmen....it was on from there

- Smoked 2 stogies with scotch

- Had a great convo with a strip club bartender, he sboob were like cantelopes......I motorboated them later...she was quite the exhibitionist

- I danced with the mother of the groom aka "Mother Goose"....the song, "Beat It".....I kept my hands off of my junk, but did deal the imaginary cards

- We tried to catch a pigeon in a fish bowl yanked from one of the centerpieces.....he was just chillin on this beam above the porch for like, 3 hours.....we had to try toget him, we named him Doja

- I served many a beer to take the burden off of the cash bar, they stopped me when I went to start pouring jager shots........so I stole the bottle later on, and instantly upped my status

- Met my doppleganger....apparently when he reaches a certain stage of drunk, he is referred to as "mumblaya".....much like my alter ego "crazyeyes mcgee"....we hit it off immediately, but I never changed....he did.....wandered out to the golf course and passed out, when he was pelted by everything imaginable from the deck, including the ice bucket which was placed over his head later on.......he requested chain of fools 18 times, and the DJ did not have it

- In tribute to the movie, "Shout" was requested in my honor....yet no motage of falling sboob fell before me :(

- Found the one only other guy on the planet that enjoyed the movie "Haggard" as much as me, we quoted lines all night

- Flirted HARD with one of the maids of honor (there were 2 of them)

- Thought I blew it with my "honor" toast for another round of jagers....."If you can't cum in her, cum honor"....crass YES, but usually brings the house down amongst drunken dudetypes

- Got pretty pasted and we all headed to the bar, and I called a ride home from my buddy.....turns out the maid DID want some outta town strange, but I was pretty black-y by that point....my buddy who picked me up said "Some girl came out and grabbed your tie when you were leaving the bar, and tried to pull you back in"......"You karate chopped her arm, and said, I got mothin" and walked to my car

- BOGGLE.....................One side of me thinks that I was really spent, because this was HARD work making this evening pop, and being accepted.....Another theory is that I am actually growing up and looking for much more out of girls

I prefer to believe the first one

I'll edit if more comes back to me....I have been uber lazy, and was uber drunky, but I KNOW I have left some stories out.....I could share some of the groomsmen's stories busting on each other, those guys we kinda manimalish......and I likes that

Next rental must be........

2006-05-23T23:02:00.000-05:00

FROM IMDB:

Plot Outline: An 11-year-old boy's amazing ability to break wind leads him first to fame and then to death row, before it helps him to fulfill his ambition of becoming an astronaut

Check out some stills

Is that fuckin giamati?

I am not longer walking, but RUNNING to the video store.

I'd see this twice in the theater rather than buy another ticket to one more remake.

Where babies come from........Germanstyle??

2006-05-23T22:43:00.000-05:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What kind of happy demon babies are being created in Germany?

With all the freaky gi tail wearin, whoopee cushion bringin, hippie sex going on over there, I guess I should not be surprised.

I wonder if this was the master race instruction manual?

creepy

So I hit this recent trend

2006-05-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

3 different girls, all under 5'3", all at 100 lbs or less....don't know how it happened, but it was an experience

I call it the tale of the spinners 3

The first one from match I was curious and bored
9 emails in, and all of them ignored

She looked kinda cute but how can trust this pic
We met at a bar, she was tiny, but not sportin a dick

4 dates in, and I was ready to take a walk
She ordered of the kid's menu and talked baby talk

duly notited match don't just act because she's cute
did I mention her panties, covered with kitties and fruit

:BOGGLE

The seconed one was a chance encounter a friend of a friend
Despite her sub c note weight, she was packin rear end

A few nights dating, she was young, she was refreshing
But it was only the newness of the stage we just starting meshing

I tried to delve deeper, I was the recorder, I handed the mike
It was like I was married in "Come To America", she said..."whatever you like"

I need a girl with personality, an origianl thought of her own
Lessen 2 learned, stop leading with my bone

Plus she had a cat, and she used this high squeel call to call her

The third was an accident, I was an ear for a break-up
Someone to talk to, a passing moment until the make up

Wed hit the town a few times things started picking up steam
I can be the rebound guy, a great spot on the team

Then came the texts, the calls, and did I mention texts, I was feeling mothered
A few weeks in, and already smothered

Then she asked if she could call me boyfriend, this was getting out of hand
I aborted the mission early, and suggested all three should start a band

ok, so I didn't really suggest the band, but it would be cool

Who's with me!

2006-05-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

NO, not on a one way ticket to hell

TO SEE CHRIS N PALS

I wonder how they met?

http://www.chrisburke.org/

there is a contact us on the website

please support

Update on Trixie

2006-03-25T03:06:00.000-06:00

OK, so this is how it had to go down....There I was, stuck with a cancelled date with a girl that I HAVE met, but not really :/ SERIOUSLY!

So, I HAVE to know,.......I call her back middle of the next week and ask her out for drinks and some appetizer style food. BUT, I HAVE TO PICK HER UP!! See, see what I did there? I made sure to pick her up BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE! This is already a BAD idea, but do I listen?

Let's move on.....so I roll up to her apartment and call up to tell her I am here....seriously, I have never had sooooo many bad thoughts come to my mind.....Do I just BOLT if she is ugly? Should I say I have "problems" if she is ugly? How many people would find out if I said I just shit my pants? These thoughts cruised my head

Then she walked out

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW

Blackout Ryan is apparently BETTER than Beer Goggle Ryan

Who woulda thunk it

SO..we had a nice time, she was cute, but......had the personality of soggy popcorn......later

NCAA 05-06...."The Year of The White Dude"

2006-03-10T14:21:00.000-06:00

Seriously...I am no racist, I am a realist...There is a substantial lack of white talent in the NBA....any kind of decent player that enters is STILL compared to Larry Bird......BUT, this season I present a serious squad

GOTTA START with my man James...the ILLINI'S 1ST 1,000/1,000 man!

Auggie, with his developed jumper, and rebounding sense, WILL get picked in the 1st round....you heard it here first

Next is the man with the Stache, Mr. Lizard King himself....Adam Morrison...dude has game on every level, he can drive, shoot, rebound, and play above average D....He will be a top 5, possibly top 3 pick for sure

Next up to bat is a solid 4 year player names Gerry McNamara....Good floor leader and hard nosed player....he has an excellent stroke from deep, and the impressive run he is putting together in this year's Big East Tourney has been unreal

Not sure it this guy will go pro now or not, BUT Tyler has been a special Freshman for the Heels....a team that lost their top 7 scorers, this dude has help lead them to a top 3 seed and a top 10 ranking...he's got great post presence and big game ability

Ok, this pic sucks, but he's a FRESHMAN, I can't give him toooooo many props just yet :)

NOW THIS DUDE, he is a cock monkey that I cannot stand, BUT I can't deny what he has done....JJ Reddick has come along and shattered ACC records in scoring and 3 point milestones, AND did his fair share of damage to the NCAA record books

but I can't give him a good pic....that THAT nancylad

Like I said, it's been since Larry Legend since a white dude was even considered one of the BEST in the NBA (sure I am stretchin a little because some foreign born players have white skin tone) last dude with a shred of hope was John Stockton

I would run this squad of 5 against ANY team of college players you put in front of me this year....and I would win

CHEERS!!

The night that never was

2006-03-06T19:26:00.000-06:00

Let me just run down some facts of last Saturday

I would LIKE to blame whatever rookie schedules a game featuring 2 top 25 teams at 11am.....but I won't

FACT: I consumed 14 Rum and Cokes before 3pm

FACT: I know this because I remember NOTHING AFTER 3pm (just have reciepts)

FACT: I opened and closed tabs on more than one occasion while I did NOT leave the bar

FACT: I made a Sunday Brunch Date

FACT: I was in handcuffs for a nice stretch of time

FACT: I crashed a Birthday Party

FACT: I woke up nude, but alone :(

The Ol Paigniac is taking it OFF of 11 for a while.....big, HUGE, thanks to the 2 friends that saved my life by taking my keys.....although I have always wanted to leave a good looking corpse....I hope it's not this soon.

Only good/funny aspect is that I rescheduled the date.....So I have a blind date with a girl I guess I have already met

now come the questions....

QUESTION: Considering the state I was in, what kind of girl can I really expect to find here? I mean these aren't even beer goggles I had on

QUESTION: Due to the 815 area code, should I be expecting not only a young one, but possibly a Joliet young one?

QUESTION: How do I meet this girl out somewhere, since I don't know who she is?

I'll keep you abreast folks.....all 2 viewers of you

Big Cats

2006-03-02T20:09:00.000-06:00

Now I am not a cat fan, never have been, I dig the laziness of them. The ability to chill on a level no other animal typically does, but they are sneaky and can jump into all of your shit. Don't even get me started on hairballs, and the shed factor, OR the box of shitpiss you have to keep in some closet somewheres....UGH

If only you could domesticate a BIG CAT, now that would be the balls.....not only are the much more stocked, sleak, and striking, but who the fuck is gonna mess with that dude coolin his heels with his Puma at his hip

so hats off to you LL Cool J.....this album has inspired me from my youth

too fuckin cool

Al Ba SURE!

2006-03-01T22:10:00.000-06:00

YES, she still holds firmly as number 1 on The Paigniac's list

But I've been following this minx since Idle Hands

Back of "Johnny come latelys"

this seat is TAKEN

Damn you reefer!!!

2006-03-01T19:23:00.000-06:00

Ok, I can't stay mad at you....but you have destroyed my short term memory....so from hear on out we are gonna take this broads one at a time and figure out what went wrong..........the only problem, I can't remember the order in which they came

so let's just go with Dixie today

Now Dixie was a single mom from Tennessee.....I was doing a promo at a bookstore when the last Harry Potter book went on sale....since I have never read them, I was expecting a very Trek-y type of crowd....maybe I would hollar at some witchcraft or fantasy geek and turn out some "role play".....there were geeks alright but much more mainstream than I ever imagined

So there I am posted up at my booth, counting the minutes till midnight....(I MEAN SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE TO GET THE BOOK AT MIDNIGHT, DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS INTO THIS, THEY'LL BE IN BED THE SECOND YOU GET HOME?!)....but I digress so right about when I was deciding if I should move in on the Tarot girl or find my partner ins role play I get a tap on the shoulder.....

An ex-soccer mom I met through reffing at the Park Distrcit...now 'ol Paigniac has be waffling on this decision for quote some time....the single mom

Do I go through with it....I am NO DADDY CANDIDATE, and as about as picky as human possible with the opposite sex.....so I always thwarted any king of single mom flirting.....

then it hit me.....THEY JUST WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE ALL OTHER BROADS....they wanna go out, they wanna have fun, why should the fact that they got knocked up by some numb nuts prevent them from that

Then it was on

I put her in a couple radio station contests, gave her a special number to bump her up in the waiting line and it was on....contact was firmly established in flirty manner

So there is was on Monday.....in my work inbox, and email

"Had a great time at the bookstore, call me sometime, Dixie"

She did her research to find my email, this could get interesting

We met up for drinks, I finally realized that she was PACKIN under that mom gear....the twins came out for AIR

Once the booze set in, we played some darts, playful banter, then she planted one on me in the middle of the bar

Now we fast forward to the end of the night, I drive this cutie to a friend's house in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERESEVILLE URBANA, and make out like high school kids in their driveway....mostly PG 13 goodness, but Paigniac is no scumbag, so that was all good

second date though

That's how we do things....thanks HP!

So things are all hunky dory, yeah you heard me, she IS from Tennessee....until I get one of my stomach issues (sidebar: I get all throwup-y about every 3 or so months due to a big bender, it has happened ever since Mexico).....but like a true soldier I head to her house for dinner......

She is a cute as a domestic button, making food, taking the dog out, playing bowling with her litte 'un.....I choke down the food, and learned that Cole Slaw IS good on pork sammiches, but horrible for my condition....I think it was after the 2nd beer that I toss for the first time.....play it off like a Ali and head back to table full of grins....during the course of the night, I hit the john aboot 5 times, and didn't get caught until the last one.....grrrrrrrrrrrr

She was so overwhelmed that I would still come over after being sick, that she wanted to reward me....now I still to this day wonder what that could have been, A little Bo Peep Costume, some good old fashioned chocolate sauce head??? I don't know. I had to come clean

Meeting the kid was the "deal breaker" (as I like to call the moment when I KNOW things aren't gonna work in a relationship)

The kid was just too cute, and she gave me a nickname..."Jellybeanman" stop your laughin....it was sweet, and I can't hurt that kids feelings the day I don't show up anymore

Goodbye Dixie, I wish you well.......being a single mom must be MURDER for the action

Womens

2006-02-28T18:22:00.000-06:00

Womens are the most frustrating part of most dude's lives. I love this. It poses a new challenge DAILY. After college life becomes somewhat of a routine....you get up, you go to work, you get off of work, you eat, you watch tv/read.....ok that is what MOST people do, I am still sophmoric enough to still smoke bongs nude, drink till 4, or maybe even a little inflatable miller chair races down Centennial Hill at mindnight during a snow storm.....BUT the point is, that stuff is pretty easy....womens on the other hand are a challenge

So far since the official "heart breaking moment" that my ex took off on my on that gloomy day (don't shed a tear for the Paigniac, hindsight 20/20 it was a godsend) I have been in a series of unusual "dating situations" and encounters since then

Let's update to today shall we?

***attention, names will be changed to protect the innocent***

although no one reads this shit.....

Let's start with Cat, we find our humble narrator.....alone, sad, beateb like a government mule....sitting in the house he once shared with the ONE woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with....she decided otherwise, and ran off to the land of booger sugar, where nights become mornings and all is not what it seems......she was "nice" enough to "let me stay" at the house and still pay half of the rent.....she "moved home with her mom"....but LEFT ALL OF HER SHIT AT THE HOUSE....all of the clothes, pictures, memories, and so on and so on....depressing....YOU THINK???!!!

***Paigniac quit stewing and back to the POINT of this entry***

ah yes, well there is a method to my madness...this sets up the story of Cat

So there I am surrounding in memories, half shorn, half dressed, smokin the ganj, drinkin the black label, burning wood, breaking bottles behind wah-wah, digging a hole....you know the typical rigamorole of the scorned

then one day it hit me, that THIS ISN'T YOU FUCKER! Get your ASS off of YOUR SHOULDERS AND CHANGE SHIT! So I did, I piled all of her shit into one room, and closed the door, rearranged the place and went out on the town, had a few afterhours here and there, started to feel the flow again....but still in paign

Then I bumped into Cat, now Cat was a girl I knew from way back....she knew I had a serious girlfriend and respected that, but let's just say she let me know that if I didn't....we would be breaking a few laws of physics, I bumped into her about on the 4 week "anniversary" of the infamous breakup.

I have a few folks over, pop in the 89 Illini V Syracuse game, volume down, hit a playlist on my pod and pop a couple bottles, instant afterhours

dwindle, dwindle....it's just the 2 of us ***scenes missing*** I am now sleeping

NEXT THING I KNOW

http://ohsnaprape.ytmnd.com/

I am getting smacked awake...BY MY EX...I am birfday nekkid on the couch with no one in sight.....she start smacking and screaming at me...as I hear the front door slam

A quick squabble including my computer, some fireplace tools, a box of dishes all being tossed at me....I find out that Cat was wearing her robe and let her in the front door

D'OH

but what the fuck, she left me.....I was just tryin to get some stank on my hang low

needless to say it saved me from having any chance of crying like a girl and crawling back to my ex......but that wasn't the EXACT way that I wanted to slam the door shut

they be didn' it

2006-02-26T12:30:00.000-06:00

Went to see the LAST home game of Dee and Auggie last night. I never thought I would be one of THOSE dudes to wear a headband to the game, but I was.

CHECK, mic check ONE, check TWO

2006-02-18T11:28:00.000-06:00

5 words i dig...

titwanks
shat
riblet
styrofoam
nugget