Damn you reefer!!!

Ok, I can't stay mad at you....but you have destroyed my short term memory....so from hear on out we are gonna take this broads one at a time and figure out what went wrong..........the only problem, I can't remember the order in which they came

so let's just go with Dixie today

Now Dixie was a single mom from Tennessee.....I was doing a promo at a bookstore when the last Harry Potter book went on sale....since I have never read them, I was expecting a very Trek-y type of crowd....maybe I would hollar at some witchcraft or fantasy geek and turn out some "role play".....there were geeks alright but much more mainstream than I ever imagined

So there I am posted up at my booth, counting the minutes till midnight....(I MEAN SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE TO GET THE BOOK AT MIDNIGHT, DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS INTO THIS, THEY'LL BE IN BED THE SECOND YOU GET HOME?!)....but I digress so right about when I was deciding if I should move in on the Tarot girl or find my partner ins role play I get a tap on the shoulder.....

An ex-soccer mom I met through reffing at the Park Distrcit...now 'ol Paigniac has be waffling on this decision for quote some time....the single mom

Do I go through with it....I am NO DADDY CANDIDATE, and as about as picky as human possible with the opposite sex.....so I always thwarted any king of single mom flirting.....

then it hit me.....THEY JUST WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE ALL OTHER BROADS....they wanna go out, they wanna have fun, why should the fact that they got knocked up by some numb nuts prevent them from that

Then it was on

I put her in a couple radio station contests, gave her a special number to bump her up in the waiting line and it was on....contact was firmly established in flirty manner

So there is was on Monday.....in my work inbox, and email

"Had a great time at the bookstore, call me sometime, Dixie"

She did her research to find my email, this could get interesting

We met up for drinks, I finally realized that she was PACKIN under that mom gear....the twins came out for AIR

Once the booze set in, we played some darts, playful banter, then she planted one on me in the middle of the bar

Now we fast forward to the end of the night, I drive this cutie to a friend's house in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERESEVILLE URBANA, and make out like high school kids in their driveway....mostly PG 13 goodness, but Paigniac is no scumbag, so that was all good

second date though



That's how we do things....thanks HP!







So things are all hunky dory, yeah you heard me, she IS from Tennessee....until I get one of my stomach issues (sidebar: I get all throwup-y about every 3 or so months due to a big bender, it has happened ever since Mexico).....but like a true soldier I head to her house for dinner......

She is a cute as a domestic button, making food, taking the dog out, playing bowling with her litte 'un.....I choke down the food, and learned that Cole Slaw IS good on pork sammiches, but horrible for my condition....I think it was after the 2nd beer that I toss for the first time.....play it off like a Ali and head back to table full of grins....during the course of the night, I hit the john aboot 5 times, and didn't get caught until the last one.....grrrrrrrrrrrr

She was so overwhelmed that I would still come over after being sick, that she wanted to reward me....now I still to this day wonder what that could have been, A little Bo Peep Costume, some good old fashioned chocolate sauce head??? I don't know. I had to come clean

Meeting the kid was the "deal breaker" (as I like to call the moment when I KNOW things aren't gonna work in a relationship)

The kid was just too cute, and she gave me a nickname..."Jellybeanman" stop your laughin....it was sweet, and I can't hurt that kids feelings the day I don't show up anymore

Goodbye Dixie, I wish you well.......being a single mom must be MURDER for the action