Update on Trixie

OK, so this is how it had to go down....There I was, stuck with a cancelled date with a girl that I HAVE met, but not really :/ SERIOUSLY!

So, I HAVE to know,.......I call her back middle of the next week and ask her out for drinks and some appetizer style food. BUT, I HAVE TO PICK HER UP!! See, see what I did there? I made sure to pick her up BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE! This is already a BAD idea, but do I listen?


Let's move on.....so I roll up to her apartment and call up to tell her I am here....seriously, I have never had sooooo many bad thoughts come to my mind.....Do I just BOLT if she is ugly? Should I say I have "problems" if she is ugly? How many people would find out if I said I just shit my pants? These thoughts cruised my head

Then she walked out

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW

Blackout Ryan is apparently BETTER than Beer Goggle Ryan

Who woulda thunk it


SO..we had a nice time, she was cute, but......had the personality of soggy popcorn......later

NCAA 05-06...."The Year of The White Dude"

Seriously...I am no racist, I am a realist...There is a substantial lack of white talent in the NBA....any kind of decent player that enters is STILL compared to Larry Bird......BUT, this season I present a serious squad

GOTTA START with my man James...the ILLINI'S 1ST 1,000/1,000 man!

Auggie, with his developed jumper, and rebounding sense, WILL get picked in the 1st round....you heard it here first

















Next is the man with the Stache, Mr. Lizard King himself....Adam Morrison...dude has game on every level, he can drive, shoot, rebound, and play above average D....He will be a top 5, possibly top 3 pick for sure
















Next up to bat is a solid 4 year player names Gerry McNamara....Good floor leader and hard nosed player....he has an excellent stroke from deep, and the impressive run he is putting together in this year's Big East Tourney has been unreal
















Not sure it this guy will go pro now or not, BUT Tyler has been a special Freshman for the Heels....a team that lost their top 7 scorers, this dude has help lead them to a top 3 seed and a top 10 ranking...he's got great post presence and big game ability

Ok, this pic sucks, but he's a FRESHMAN, I can't give him toooooo many props just yet :)

















NOW THIS DUDE, he is a cock monkey that I cannot stand, BUT I can't deny what he has done....JJ Reddick has come along and shattered ACC records in scoring and 3 point milestones, AND did his fair share of damage to the NCAA record books

but I can't give him a good pic....that THAT nancylad

















Like I said, it's been since Larry Legend since a white dude was even considered one of the BEST in the NBA (sure I am stretchin a little because some foreign born players have white skin tone) last dude with a shred of hope was John Stockton

I would run this squad of 5 against ANY team of college players you put in front of me this year....and I would win

CHEERS!!

The night that never was

Let me just run down some facts of last Saturday

I would LIKE to blame whatever rookie schedules a game featuring 2 top 25 teams at 11am.....but I won't


FACT: I consumed 14 Rum and Cokes before 3pm

FACT: I know this because I remember NOTHING AFTER 3pm (just have reciepts)

FACT: I opened and closed tabs on more than one occasion while I did NOT leave the bar

FACT: I made a Sunday Brunch Date

FACT: I was in handcuffs for a nice stretch of time

FACT: I crashed a Birthday Party

FACT: I woke up nude, but alone :(


The Ol Paigniac is taking it OFF of 11 for a while.....big, HUGE, thanks to the 2 friends that saved my life by taking my keys.....although I have always wanted to leave a good looking corpse....I hope it's not this soon.

Only good/funny aspect is that I rescheduled the date.....So I have a blind date with a girl I guess I have already met

now come the questions....

QUESTION: Considering the state I was in, what kind of girl can I really expect to find here? I mean these aren't even beer goggles I had on

QUESTION: Due to the 815 area code, should I be expecting not only a young one, but possibly a Joliet young one?

QUESTION: How do I meet this girl out somewhere, since I don't know who she is?


I'll keep you abreast folks.....all 2 viewers of you

Big Cats

Now I am not a cat fan, never have been, I dig the laziness of them. The ability to chill on a level no other animal typically does, but they are sneaky and can jump into all of your shit. Don't even get me started on hairballs, and the shed factor, OR the box of shitpiss you have to keep in some closet somewheres....UGH

If only you could domesticate a BIG CAT, now that would be the balls.....not only are the much more stocked, sleak, and striking, but who the fuck is gonna mess with that dude coolin his heels with his Puma at his hip

so hats off to you LL Cool J.....this album has inspired me from my youth

too fuckin cool

Al Ba SURE!

YES, she still holds firmly as number 1 on The Paigniac's list











But I've been following this minx since Idle Hands







Back of "Johnny come latelys"


this seat is TAKEN

Damn you reefer!!!

Ok, I can't stay mad at you....but you have destroyed my short term memory....so from hear on out we are gonna take this broads one at a time and figure out what went wrong..........the only problem, I can't remember the order in which they came

so let's just go with Dixie today

Now Dixie was a single mom from Tennessee.....I was doing a promo at a bookstore when the last Harry Potter book went on sale....since I have never read them, I was expecting a very Trek-y type of crowd....maybe I would hollar at some witchcraft or fantasy geek and turn out some "role play".....there were geeks alright but much more mainstream than I ever imagined

So there I am posted up at my booth, counting the minutes till midnight....(I MEAN SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE TO GET THE BOOK AT MIDNIGHT, DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS INTO THIS, THEY'LL BE IN BED THE SECOND YOU GET HOME?!)....but I digress so right about when I was deciding if I should move in on the Tarot girl or find my partner ins role play I get a tap on the shoulder.....

An ex-soccer mom I met through reffing at the Park Distrcit...now 'ol Paigniac has be waffling on this decision for quote some time....the single mom

Do I go through with it....I am NO DADDY CANDIDATE, and as about as picky as human possible with the opposite sex.....so I always thwarted any king of single mom flirting.....

then it hit me.....THEY JUST WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE ALL OTHER BROADS....they wanna go out, they wanna have fun, why should the fact that they got knocked up by some numb nuts prevent them from that

Then it was on

I put her in a couple radio station contests, gave her a special number to bump her up in the waiting line and it was on....contact was firmly established in flirty manner

So there is was on Monday.....in my work inbox, and email

"Had a great time at the bookstore, call me sometime, Dixie"

She did her research to find my email, this could get interesting

We met up for drinks, I finally realized that she was PACKIN under that mom gear....the twins came out for AIR

Once the booze set in, we played some darts, playful banter, then she planted one on me in the middle of the bar

Now we fast forward to the end of the night, I drive this cutie to a friend's house in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERESEVILLE URBANA, and make out like high school kids in their driveway....mostly PG 13 goodness, but Paigniac is no scumbag, so that was all good

second date though



That's how we do things....thanks HP!







So things are all hunky dory, yeah you heard me, she IS from Tennessee....until I get one of my stomach issues (sidebar: I get all throwup-y about every 3 or so months due to a big bender, it has happened ever since Mexico).....but like a true soldier I head to her house for dinner......

She is a cute as a domestic button, making food, taking the dog out, playing bowling with her litte 'un.....I choke down the food, and learned that Cole Slaw IS good on pork sammiches, but horrible for my condition....I think it was after the 2nd beer that I toss for the first time.....play it off like a Ali and head back to table full of grins....during the course of the night, I hit the john aboot 5 times, and didn't get caught until the last one.....grrrrrrrrrrrr

She was so overwhelmed that I would still come over after being sick, that she wanted to reward me....now I still to this day wonder what that could have been, A little Bo Peep Costume, some good old fashioned chocolate sauce head??? I don't know. I had to come clean

Meeting the kid was the "deal breaker" (as I like to call the moment when I KNOW things aren't gonna work in a relationship)

The kid was just too cute, and she gave me a nickname..."Jellybeanman" stop your laughin....it was sweet, and I can't hurt that kids feelings the day I don't show up anymore

Goodbye Dixie, I wish you well.......being a single mom must be MURDER for the action