Before Texan drops the dime on me

Yes, YES....I did get a myspace account

*lays down on marble alter*

I shall take my lashings now





Even though most of my actions are Willy Nilly (yes i just enjoy saying that) but this one was planned my friends and enemies

So I roll to teh bar the other night, I order my second drink so I am still coherant but randy as always and these 2 dames srike up a convo with yours truely.....they are both sweet and equally attentive....so there lies the dilemma, how do I ask for a number....what if I pick the WRONG one, maybe one is wingwoman, and I chose her, then I killed any chance with the other

fuckbeans

So through the convo they mention myspace...I tell them I don't get it, it's confusing to a caveman like me, blah, blah.....and they rave on and on about it

*DING*

I create an account, add them as friends and see which one is friendier!

done and done

come to find out, I dated one of their freinds and I am foiled....curses


so like any other straight male that has put in the effort to make this thing happen, I hit the browse key....might as well see if there are any other single females on here since it is an untapped resource, and there she was

A girl I am totally crushin on, but acted a fool in front of one night at the bar......surprise, surprise drink-y paigniac flirted with her and her boyfriend came by.....I ripped him to shreds and told her that he was a fuckin geek, and drop him......yes, I know....effin terrible, catch bees with honey....not one of my finer moments

I have seen her twice since, and drummed up SOME salvation of small talk.....but I need Huck to finish this fence

so there she is on effin myspace! She accepted my friend request....I might be back in the game



so HA Texan! No gloating. I admit it, I am a myspacer, and well, proud isn't the word.....where was I goin with this?

damn

but if it works out with this dame it will be embarrassment well worth it's while....I make a fool out of myself nightly for less

I did have a slight error in name choice

Mr. Wang Goldstein Esq.

I figured SOME Caddyshack buff MIGHT be able to decipher it.....but instead most people think I am bragging about my paignis....oops

I just dug Al's compadre

HEY WANG, don't tell em you're Jewish!





I'll never get married



OH, and I almost forgot, I got Err, Tobias Funke, and Cobra Commander as my friends....so life isn't all that bad

So your humble narrator was called upon for a mission

TO ROCK THE FACES OFF THE TOWNFOLK OF RANTOUL!!!!!!


My arrival in Rantucky is secret, but I always leave a stamp



















Faces ROCKED, once I requested Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry, the rantuckians don't know what hit then!



















This litte hesh^^^^ had to CHECK to see if his face was attached


















One of these phillies gave me their number, I won't say which one, but you might still be able to find it in the parking lot if you are really curious.


THEN

THE

TABLES

TURNED























OH SNAP....I choose C....there has to be a C on this exam!!!



















she said she just wanted to by me a shot cause she "liked my face"......i didn't know it came with a side of McGriddles!



















Then "Don't Cry" by GnR started up, and maybe it was that infamous Rantoul dust, or maybe too many well rum specials....but I was weak, and beaten....Kudos to you tommy twotoneshirt

*tear*

it's beautiful



Next time I take no prisoners!!!!

Another football hero of the days of YORE!

the manimal known as

Tom RATHMAN


















Before I knew what a Fullback was, or why he was on the field, I knew the force at was Tom Rathman

All of you geezers that saw the days of powerbacks can go talk about that over some discounted coffee

This dude crushed humans, and cleared the way for the likes of mr. highknees himself, Roger Craig...I submit to this date he wouldn't have been half as successful without "the Rath"....ok, their line was pretty good, but I digress

In that style of offense, Joey Montana dumped to this freight train at any time he needed that extra push, that guarenteed 3rd down conversion

There was no stopping him....sure you Dallas fanboys will come at me with the moose, but Rathman would rip the moose in half and cook eggs with his marrow for a pregame guffaw...then grab Brad Muster to pick his teeth














seriously step in front of that.....my favorite 49er and fullback of all time

*salutes*

Office life needs more chains

Sorry Mr. T

I MUST BREAK YOU!

Kids Rule

So I applaud the effort for the neighborhood kids to "paint" some sort of court on our park hoop.


BUT



















At least if I was in boystown, I might be able to run a few games



I feel like I am stepping into "the yard" everytime I get on the court now

Ok, maybe I will put off this quitting smoking thing....

....for just a LITTLE longer, I mean when I go to make out with

Alessandra Ambrosio

I don't want her to feel self conscious for having ashtray breath































































I bet she even makes chemo sexy

Oh glorious day

I can free up an hour and a half on my DVR, and retire my old worn out VHS copy of

















I first saw this movie in 98....One of my best friend's uncle is a pretty famous movie critic in New York, and he sends "care packages" of random movies that he didn't go to the theater to see, but still needs to review....I got a hold of this gem, and never let go.


I live in a world where Air Bud 2* can hit DVD, but this piece of comedy genius can't get pressed????? Seriously how much does it cost to make a DVD anymore, they are on fuckin endcaps at Deals!



(all apologies to Air Bud 2, I have not seen it, but I doubt it can compare with Most Vertical Primate)


You can find Safe Men in your local Best Buy tomorrow, so you can understand me when I say such things as



Where would I be finding fresh jams?

I tried to stick my tongue in her mouth, and she punched me in the penis

So there I am drownin those fuckers in the cocktail saaaauuce

She gave me a thumbs up in aprreciation of the pants

I'm Hamlish

Sweet Deinse Schniiiidher!

Yes, I chafe, I am SICK from chafing, I have a fake ass over my ass

and when I refer to you as Tuff Turf, or a Lazy little BABOON!
























Obviously Giamati as Veal Chop is a truely golden performance, but many other take turns stealing this show, from Zahn, Michael Lerner, Fierstein, Ruffalo and Josh Pais......please feel free to discuss

Oh, you want a plot summary....negative, if you do not like this movie, you never have to listen to another reccomendation of mine again....


At least rent it

I am gonna look like an idiot getting a slow gin fizz by myself

The attack of "that guy"

I have no pics of "that guy", but when I got to meet him, he was taking his picture with the waitress....:boggle....that should never, ever, ever, ever, happen

this is what happened after that




<====here is part of "that guy's heed"




















Anthony and the woman (sara)













she put the lockdown on me talkin to her friend in the peach, but that's ok


So it was on to afterhours













me and melissa....damn I need a new pose, or something!

















sadly, Tina is moving to Portland :(













the crowd picked up and I got too drink=y to take pics

but














name this area hairstylist and I owe you a coke

Can you smell what rock's is cookin?

Cooled my heels in one spot for once......it helps when 3 buddies are tending to the slab


THIS could ulgy

















Tony is already on a roll

















Free shots don't help......



















.....ok, so they don't HURT, that's for sure


















The only pic I could get my law talkin buddy King (featured right) in.....the Paignparazzi will getcha.....STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY SIR!

















Cheers Carey, or Karey.....ok, so not THAT good of a buddy, more like one of "those guys".....his last name is butts, or buttz....either way it couldn't have been an easy childhood

















another round A-Y! My last tab was $15,287....tenders got jokes

















Come on Jenny, you love to hate me.....Tony your IN!

















Told ya, paigniac got jokes too!

















This is Brett, Brett used to want to tear my skin off and fashion some sort of blazer out of it to wear for sport.......but now we are friends, and he has a much hotter girlfriend....I did him a favor....he just doesn't like being on THAT side of the bar somuch

















Kristen like HIM, and I think that's kinda sexy






THEN, the infamous walk home......


























I'll spar you the 27 angles my drunk ass took of this tree on my walk home, it's my favorite in all of town.....this is one effin tree.....I'm sorry that A- I can't figure out my timer yet, and B- That it stole that kid in poltergeist


















No shit!




then I got a phone call


got busted by the "pool police"

this was the only pic I was allowed to post

girl on the right for being 5' 8" was quite the swimmer




















fin

Football season has replaced Christmas

No longer to get that feeling of a fat man in the velor sprinkling my family room with kung fu gripped action figures, or dinosaurs that turn into robots

I love my family, and always appreciate a new shirt, and some gift cards....but

FOOTBALL SEASON

it's better than strip clubs

it's better than dollar double cheeseburgers

it's better than 3 vicodin and a lazy sunday in the hammock

it's better than god rubbing my tummy!


In aticipation of this glorious occasion I will feature a new football hero sporatically......I won't give a timeframe, because I never do


but today I bring you

one of my personal heros














If you have never witnessed White Lightning....you better axe someone

If your dad doesn't know....ask how you were conceived with him having no actual balls

In a game today featuring aligator armed men named Randy who would shart themself with light contact....this MAN took the best that you could dish

in the 80s when rules were not as severe and LBs ate kickers he went over the middle without question

it almost seemed like they were pruposely setting him up perfectly to take the most vicious hit possible

yet like every girl I have ever slept with's period, he was alwasy reliable, and always made me feel at east when he showed up in the huddle

I knew things were gonna be ok


*salutes*

Pot Paury

kickass fundraiser.....though I am a poser parrothead, I don't really know the music, but I know margaritas, and help chair a committee......we hope to get at least 20k for the American Heart Association.....I'M ALL HEART BITCHES













April and myself in our attractive teshurts sweating our asses off before the crowd shows up













Boat Drunks with TC Mitchell












A couple thousand of my friends




Birthday party with some fellow paigndeucers, and friends, or both














The B-Boy himself in his B-boy stance........there was no weed in there, I promise













Illusions Michael.....Tricks are something whores do for cocaine or money













I'm likin the unsteady nightshot feature on my cam, adds effect












no love for the paignparazzi
















Joe can dance, and sing, and drink.......this here is what we call the triple threat ladies and gents















A meeting of the minds.....I swear they use some hybrid freakish ink on those bar stamps.....shit took me 2 days to scrub off, work thought I got a tat......sure, dice














see tina gets nicer as she has a couple more drinks






fin